Arty's Party
by Fairyfinder
Summary: Artemis wakes up late one day and finds that his family is mysteriously avoiding him. They are putting up decorations, baking things, not telling him what day it is, and hiding boxes in the garden! Artemis goes to find out what is happening but no one will tell him. SPOILERS FOR TLG! DON'T READ IF YOU HAVEN'T READ TLG! This is mainly a cute story for kids. :)
1. A Peculiar Morning

**Disclaimer: Do I own Artemis Fowl? That is the question none of us must ask ourselves unless we are Mr. Eoin Colfer. (No I don't own it.)**

Artemis groaned and rolled over. He hit his alarm clock that was playing a very annoying popular song by some American artist. The credit, of course, went to Juliet Butler. It was about to play the second verse when Artemis smashed the button.

"Contrary to Juliet's prediction, that song will _never_ stop being annoying." The Irish teen muttered to himself. He looked at the clock to see what time it was. He didn't need to since he remembered what time he had set the alarm for, but sometimes little brothers and doting mothers meddled with one's alarm clock. "Ten thirty!" Artemis yelped. One of his family members had obviously altered his alarm settings.

The teenager jumped out of bed as fast as he could and dashed to his closet. He pulled on his clothes, which included a tie and blazer, and combed through his messy raven colored hair. He brushed his teeth with the speed of an Olympic Tooth Brusher (there is no such sport) and slipped on his loafers.

This young genius never forgot anything, having a near photographic memory, but today he knew there was something important happening that he could not remember. Perhaps it had something to do with the new body. He shuddered at the thought. It was like having amnesia that filled itself in _very_ slowly. Foaly had done a great job on him, even if the body did have six toes on one foot.

When Artemis got to the foot of the stairs he smelled something sweet. He wondered what it could be and headed to the kitchen to get breakfast and figure out what the scent was. Artemis pushed the door open and saw Juliet taking something out of the oven. She spotted him and immediately stuffed it back in and smiled sweetly at Artemis.

"Good morning, Arty! What devious plans do you have for today?"

"Breakfast is the first." Artemis grunted, trying to see what was in the oven.

"Right! Mr. and Mrs. Fowl and the twins are already done but there are some left over bacon and eggs in the dining room. Feel free to help yourself!" Juliet smiled.

Artemis looked at the oven one more time and cocked an eyebrow, but went to the dining room.

When Artemis had finished breakfast he went to find the rest of his family. He crashed into Butler in the hall. The large man spilled a couple of brightly colored objects from the box he was carrying but caught them with one of his feet. Butler quickly put it back in the box before Artemis could get a good look at it.

"Morning, Artemis." He smiled.

"Butler, what is Juliet baking?" Artemis inquired.

"There is a charity event at the community center and Mrs. Fowl asked her to bake something for it." Butler said quickly.

Artemis had read too many psychology books to not know that his body guard was lying. Artemis knew Butler would never "spill the beans" so the young genius went along with it.

"Of course! What, if I may ask, is in the box?" Artemis smiled.

"Oh this? Some old clothing for the – err—for that one organization that takes old clothes." Butler scowled at his own lie but tried to keep up the charade.

"Do you mean Salvation Army? Or perhaps another charity?" Artemis smirked.

"Yes! Salvation Army! Your mother is a big fan of donating clothes to the, uh..." Butler paused, thinking, "Army?"

"It sells some of the clothing and then gives the rest to people in need. Most of their profits go to helping others as well." Artemis explained.

Butler nodded, hoisted the box even more out of Artemis view and shuffled down the hall as quickly as possible.

Artemis scratched his chin thoughtfully. He may not remember everything, but he knew Butler did not normally act like that. Intriguing.

Artemis wondered outside in search of his family and found himself in the garden. Most of the plants were still alive since it was only the beginning of autumn but some needed to be tended before they disappeared for winter. Angeline Fowl was doing just that, or so Artemis thought.

"Mother?" Artemis called so as not to startle his mother.

"Oh! Arty!" Angeline's hand quickly pushed something with brightly colored paper on it under a plant.

"I would have been down earlier but someone reset my alarm, could it have been you?" Artemis asked seriously.

"Alarm clock? Oh yes! I thought you would like to sleep in, considering what day…" She stopped herself and smiled, "Why don't you go play with the boys? Or better yet, go help your father with his – err – work."

"Of course Mother." Artemis smiled at his mother and went to find a calendar, knowing his mother had given him an important clue as to what was going on.

When he got inside he spotted Myles and Beckett running from his study, pieces of paper trailing behind them. Artemis groaned and started running after them. When he realized they had disappeared into one of their numerous hiding spots he gave up and went to his study to look at a calendar.

In the study Artemis found that his calendar and planner had mysteriously disappeared. He looked at the papers he had found in the hall. They were pages from his calendar. Artemis recognized the pictures of different species of insects that had decorated his calendar.

"Hmm…" Artemis thought for a moment about what all these clues could mean. Juliet was baking a cake. Butler was carrying some bright decorations. His mother was hiding things in the garden. Myles and Beckett had stolen his calendar so he couldn't figure out what day it was. "Let's see what Father has to say about all of this."

Artemis Jr. found Artemis Sr. in the conference room, hanging something from the light.

"Let me help with that, Father." Artemis called.

Artemis Sr. was startled and the ladder beneath his feet teetered and the light fixture swung. "Arty! What are you doing in here?"

"Mother told me to come and help you with your work." Artemis said catching a glimpse of streamers.

Artemis Sr. stuffed the streamers in his pocket and smiled. "Oh, I don't need any help, son. Why don't you, um, go and, uh…" He thought of places for his son to go that would seem logical, "Your room!"

"Excuse me?" Artemis asked, surprised at this order.

"Yes! Go to your room until, oh when was it? Three o'clock! You are not being punished, son, we, uh, I have a lot to do and I know that you have lots of projects to keep you busy up there. Work on that cure for the common cold or whatever you were doing last week." Artemis Sr. ordered.

"If you say so Father." And with one last look at the lighting fixture Artemis Jr. left to go to his room.


	2. Troublsome Brothers

**A/N: Ivyooo, it's supposed to be obvious, duh! Sorry, just me ranting.**

**Disclaimer: Good gracious! ****_Do_**** I own Artemis Fowl? OF COURSE NOT!**

When Artemis had gotten to his room he noticed that his other calendar had been stripped of the wall. He went to his computer to find the date but found that his laptop had been taken as well.

"Curious." Artemis murmured searching his desk for his cell phone. When he found that it too was missing he roared for the boys to come. "MYLES AND BECKETT FOWL, GET UP HERE RIGHT NOW!"

There was the sound of scurrying in the hall and giggling. Artemis checked the hall security camera with his hall monitoring system (which did not have the date on it) and saw his little brothers' faces, right in front of the camera.

"Aaah!" Artemis yelped when Beckett pressed his nose against the lense.

"Hi Arty-mus! Mommy says you can't look out of the camera!" Beckett giggled.

Artemis quickly checked the other monitors and found that each one was covered in a gooey substance. "Beckett, what is that?!" Artemis yelled, standing up.

"Is not peanut butter!" Beckett hinted.

Artemis rubbed his temple, where a headache was forming. "Then what, if I may ask, is it?"

"It isn't bread!" Myles called from somewhere beneath Beckett.

Artemis gasped. When it came to Myles and Beckett Fowl there was one thing they loved more than anything in the world. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. If it wasn't peanut butter and it wasn't bread then it had to be either grape or raspberry jelly.

Artemis ran to his door and twisted the knob. It didn't budge. He had been sealed in his room by his little brothers. At first the Irish teen was proud of Myles for forming an excellent plan such as this but then remembered the jelly…

"LET ME OUT THIS INSTANT!" Artemis bellowed.

"No can do Artemis." Myles chanted from outside of the door.

"I'll tell Mommy!" Artemis warned.

"Mommy already knows! She's the one who told us to do it!" Myles laughed evilly.

Artemis growled angrily but then thought of something. The security cameras were placed eight feet off of the ground. How did his little brothers get up there?

"Beckett! How are you so tall?" Artemis asked in terms that he thought his young brother would understand.

"Not tall simple-toon! I'm on a ladder!" Beckett smiled through the camera lens.

Artemis slapped his forehead and groaned. "Beckett, you need to get down _right now_." Artemis cautioned.

"Why should he, simple-toon?" Myles smirked.

Artemis tried to think of something that would scare, or trick his brothers into getting down. "Boys, if you get down and unlock my door I'll give you candy."

The twins looked at each other. Artemis had promised them candy before and they never received it, but today Mommy was treating Artemis specially so maybe he'd share some candy if Mommy gave him some. This logic won out in the end and the five year olds got down.

The two went over to Artemis' door.

"You got the key, Beck?" Myles asked searching through his pockets.

"Nope!" Beckett smiled happily, not understanding why they needed a key.

"Where did you put it?" Myles inquired.

"Um," Beckett thought for a moment. He had misplaced several keys over the years and not remembered where they had gone but this one was different. He had just had it. "I think I left it up there." The boy pointed to the ladder that he had just been on.

Myles scanned the ladder for a moment when he saw that the key was stuck to the lighting fixture. The young genius blinked. How had his twin managed that?

"Uh-oh." Artemis heard his brother mutter.

"Myles, what is it?" Artemis panicked.

"Beck got the key stuck _really_ high up." Myles explained, craning his neck to look for something for his twin to climb on to get the key back.

Artemis smacked his forehead again. "Go get Daddy or Butler to get the key down."

Myles spotted a couple of chairs that looked like they could be stacked easily. "No, we can just put the ladder on some chairs."

"What?! No! Myles, go get Butler! Or Juliet!" Artemis instructed frantically.

There was no reply from either of the twins. Artemis looked around his room for anything to get him out. He finally spotted a container with several dwarf hairs he had gotten from Mulch. Artemis pulled one out of the wet-cloth it resided in and inserted it into the key hole. He wiggled it around for a few seconds until the lock finally clicked. Artemis bolted out the door.


	3. Protectors of the Cookies

The sight Artemis found was Beckett climbing on a chair, stacked on another chair, so that he could get to the ladder, which was leaning against nothing but the swinging light fixture.

"Beckett! Get down!" Artemis demanded.

"No can do, simple-toon! I've almost got the key!" Beckett climbed up the first few rungs of the ladder, it tilted dangerously to the left. "Whoa!"

Artemis yelped. "Butler! Juliet! Mother! Father! Come quickly, the twins are in danger!"

Butler had been in the conference room hanging up decorations when he heard Artemis yell. The massive man didn't even listen to what Artemis was saying, he heard fear in the boy's voice so he ran.

"Artemis, what is it?!" Butler ran around the corner to see Artemis with his hands outstretched to catch Beckett, who was hanging from the light. Butler dashed over and plucked the young Fowl from the light and set him gently on the ground

"Thank you, Butler." Artemis sighed, composing himself.

"What were you doing up there, Beckett?" Butler asked, checking for injury.

"Getting the keys!" Beckett pointed to the keys that were still hanging from the light.

"The boys locked me in my room, put jelly on all of the security cameras, and were climbing on the gardening ladder to get the keys to my room because I promised them candy." Artemis explained.

Butler turned to the twins, who nodded. "Boys, when you father told you to keep Artemis in his room he didn't mean for you to get in danger."

The twins looked at the floor in unison. "We're sorry Butler and Artemis."

"Why were the boys ordered to detain me in my room?" Artemis questioned.

"Because!" Butler and the twins all said at once.

"And the reason?"

The three looked at each other. "Protection!" Butler snapped.

"Cookies!" Beckett yelled.

"Well actually Mommy and Daddy wanted to keep you out of the way so that you wouldn't see us planning your…" Beckett clamped a hand over his twin's mouth.

"He means to protect the cookies!" Beckett smiled innocently.

Myles brushed off his brother. "Yes, because we don't want you to eat them all." The boy said with a roll of his eyes.

Butler picked up the twins and turned to Artemis. "Just stay put until 3:00." And with that the body guard shoved Artemis in his room and jammed a chair under the doorknob.


	4. Pac-man

**A/N: This one is pretty short but I hope you find it entertaining. :)**

**Disclaimer: Do you own Artemis Fowl? Cause I don't.**

Artemis sat on his bed for five minutes and went to look at the clock. "Oh good, it's 2:30." He looked around his room for something to do, but with his laptop gone all he had left was some old gaming systems his mother had gotten him years ago. He sighed and flipped one on. "I don't see how chasing ghosts around a maze with a yellow ball is amusing, but I'll give it a try."

Artemis played Pack-man until he had completed every level, it took five minutes. He grabbed a racing game from the drawer he kept useless presents in and turned it on. He beat this one in two minutes. He went through three more hand held video games in a total of fifteen minutes and looked for something else to do.

Slowly a memory formed in his head. "There is another way out of here!" The teen remembered, "But no one knows of it but me." He walked over to his closet, went in and felt around on the back wall. He found the panel that the old dumbwaiter was hidden behind and opened it up. The dumbwaiter had long been out of use and the cord and box removed, but there was another way down it.

Artemis' room was on the second floor and the kitchen on the first, so it shouldn't have been too far of a drop to get out, right? Artemis grabbed a pillow to land on just in case. The boy didn't remember ever using this method of escape, but he didn't remember much. And since he hadn't told anyone about this exit no one could have reminded him. The teen looked down the shoot into darkness and gulped. "It isn't too far, it's just dark." He reminded himself.

He slid into the duct slowly and pushed against the walls to slow his descent. The pillow had gone down first and Artemis still hadn't heard it hit the ground. Finally he heard a dull _thunk_ beneath him. Artemis inched his way down the shoot and noticed that this wasn't a dumbwaiter shaft at all.

"Well of course not! Why would there be a dumbwaiter in the closet? A more likely possibility would be a laundry shoot." Artemis said to himself and then he tried to figure in his head exactly where in the kitchen he would come out. "Wait! Laundry shoots wouldn't lead to the kitchen, they'd lead to the basement!" He looked down and noticed that the shoot continued for longer than he'd thought.


	5. Treasures and Skeletons

**A/N: Yup, I back on top. That's why there are two updates in one day! :D**

**Disclaimer: For the last time, well maybe not ****_the last_****, I don't own Artemis Fowl!**

Fowl Manor had two basements, so to speak. One of them was more of a recreational room than a basement, but it was located under the house that was what it was referred to. The other basement was underneath the first and had hardly any light. The laundry was no longer done down there because things had changed over the years. Mr. Fowl did keep a few souvenirs from past crimes down there though. The lighting didn't work in that basement and the door was sealed up to keep police from looking there, so there was no light whatsoever. Artemis swallowed hard. He wondered if he had a penlight in his pocket.

Artemis shimmied down the shoot all the way to the basement and found himself on top of the pillow he had thrown. It was dark and dank and smelled of rotting fish. Artemis could hear the rats scurrying around him and felt the spiders recoil on their webs as his hand brushed them.

The teen patted all of his pockets and found his phone. He turned it on and shone it around him. In the corner there was an old wash bin and a bucket of clothes pins. On the wall to his right a rack of medieval swords hung in their sheaths. On the wall to his left a cabinet was filled with old dishes. Artemis knew that the cabinet had a switch that flipped the dishes to the back and showed a fine selection of gems, including a few of the crown jewels. The rest of the room was empty, but there were several others. Underneath Fowl manor resembled a labyrinth.

Artemis picked himself up and went out one of the three doorways in the room. He had no idea which door went where and so followed his instinct. In the next room he found an old pirates sea trunk, filled with old coins and costumes that one might expect a pirate to wear. There was also a life-sized statue of Tutankhamun, pilfered from an archeological expedition in 1922 by one of Artemis' ancestors. He passed them both and went through one of the two doors.

Artemis found various stolen goods throughout the basement, but not stairs leading up. There were several sets of stairs going down, but Artemis, being on the list of highest IQs in Europe, knew better than to take those. In one room the boy found a dwarf skeleton by a large whole in the ground.

"I wonder if Mulch knew him." Artemis shuddered, "And how did he die? There is probably a mechanism that will release a poison gas or something around here." He resolved to be more careful.

He soon found his answer to the dwarf's murderer. As he tried to pass into the next room he heard a faint click. He ducked, knowing that it probably wasn't a good thing, and a knife planted itself in the dwarf skeleton. Artemis went through the other door in the room.

Artemis came across many animal skeletons and a few living animals as he passed through. Treasure was in every room and so were booby-traps. The Irish teen found himself ducking or jumping whenever he touched something and so decided it was best not to touch any of the artifacts.

"I wish I had known about this place earlier, I might not have even needed to kidnap Holly." Of course if he hadn't kidnapped Holly he would have never saved the world and Artemis knew this.

Whenever he came across ground that slanted upwards he would follow it. The basement seemed to go on forever, and Artemis could never be sure if he had been in the same room twice or not because his phone provided only a small amount of light. The teen could have been wondering in circles for all he knew. He might be trapped down there forever.

"Foolish!" Artemis chided himself, "Eventually someone will notice your absence and wonder what has become of you. Surely Father keeps a map of this place and will be able to find me. Or Butler."

Soon the phone's battery died and Artemis was in the dark.


	6. Simple-toon!

**A/N: sorry it's been so long. I've become interested in writing Labyrinth stories and will probably write a Rise of the Guardians on soon. Enjoy this! **

**Disclaimer: *sigh* I don't own Artemis Fowl because I am not a famous author.**

Above ground Butler had finished decorating and checked his watch. It was nearly 3:00 and Artemis hadn't made any attempts to find out what was going on. This was very suspicious.

Butler ran to Artemis' room, being the good bodyguard he was, and found it empty. The big man checked Beckett and Myles' room and found the boys playing war with action figures.

"Boys, where is Artemis?" Butler asked calmly.

Beckett looked at him. "Is he in his room?"

"That would have been the first place Butler checked, simple-toon." Myles snorted.

"Don't call me that!" Beckett yelled.

"What will you do about it, _simple-toon_?" Myles sneered.

"This!" Beckett was a child of few words, but many fighting techniques.

Butler watched as Beckett combined and karate chop and a wrestling move he'd seen Juliet preform on the tapes of her time in Mexico. You would think Butler would have acted before things got violent, but Beckett and chop-kicked Myles several feet before Butler could say "Beckett, no!"

"Alright! You aren't a simple-toon." Myles consented.

Butler rubbed his temples in a very Artemis-like manner and left the boys to play while he searched the house.

He asked everyone where Artemis was but no one in the Fowl household knew the location of the teenager. After Butler had searched every room on the first floor he tried the other floors and finally went back to Artemis' room to investigate.

The stoic man found the closet open and went inside. "A laundry chute?" He looked down the chute and saw only darkness.

Butler rushed to find Mr. Fowl. "Sir!"

"What is it, Butler?" Mr. Fowl asked worriedly. If Butler was panicked then something _had_ to be wrong.

"I believe Artemis went to the basement!" Butler panted, rubbing his chest were Holly had healed it.

"And the problem with that is…?"

"Not the basement right beneath us, sir. The treasure trove."

Mr. Fowl blinked. "Why would he be down there?"

"He was trying to escape his room and slid down the laundry chute, sir!"

"Well, we best go down and find him." Mr. Fowl said, rising from his chair, "Preferably before he sets off a booby-trap."

When the men got to the door Butler crashed into it because it had been sealed up. The bodyguard pulled a flashlight from the shelf on the wall and took a step into the dark basement.


End file.
